I’ve seen things, man.
Things which cannot be unseen.
Slides full of paragraphs, full of jargon, full of more bullets than an M16.
Like the phantom vibrating of a cell phone that’s not in my pocket, I can’t escape The Webinar.
I wake up in a cold sweat, screaming out “TEN STRATAGIES TO CONVERT CLICKS TO CUSTOMERS!” and “TRANSLATING YOUR PERSONAL BRAND INTO SALES!” to no one in particular, but at society as a whole.
My wife and kids left. Then the dog abandoned me.
Now, it’s just the cat and I and even he isn’t interested in the dozen slides I put together on “Under the Couch: Fur to Kibble Ratios.” It must be the slide on vacuum power vis-a-vis tuna consumption that has him bugged out. I don’t even know anymore.
I don’t shower. I don’t shave. I telecommute now and have no need for the cubical. I’ve transcended the need for a human’s touch. My laptop and internet connection are my only ties to the physical plane. I have become the living embodiment of the duality of the mind-body split.
YOU NEED ME TO WORK ON SATURDAY???
I never stopped working on Friday, bossman.