TL:DR Version: We’ve all been donating to a lot of stuff lately. Even the ACLU now has
enough to money to purchase a tank. That said, I still need a few bucks. Please take a few minutes to donate $5, $10 or $20 on my behalf to support Lupus research here. Be sure to put “Ingersoll,” “That guy from the Twitters,” FlyoverJoel,” or “Hey Dummy” in the sponsorship line.
If you are still interested in that reading gig…
We’ll start with a syllogism:
The average curler walks more than two miles in a game.
The Lupus Spiel has a three-game guarantee.
Therefore, I will cover nearly three more miles than a 5K.
This means your Polydactyl Cat Awareness 5K can suck it, Lydia.
Okay, that was really rude to fictional Lydia, but this is important. A cure for lupus is just a stone’s throw away and you can help!
What this really means is that your donation on my behalf to the Lupus Spiel will go at least twice as far (geographically) than it would for other bipedal-based fundraising events. And, at no additional cost to you, people will scream at me for hours on end!!
The Lupus Spiel is a pro-am. That means average curlers like me are paired with really talented curlers. Like *really* good curlers. Two years ago, I curled with Val Sweeting, one of the top money winners in Canada. Last year, I teamed with two-time Olympian Jessica Schultz. This year it could be even be Kevin Martin (that would be like getting Brett Favre to quarterback your flag football team but with less pants on the ground). Or maybe, I’ll curl with someone whose name rhymes with…um….Schmessical Jultz. Okay, trying to rhyme Jessica or Schultz with anything is like trying to rhyme with “orange.” Completely terrible.
Before this really gets “Too Long; Didn’t Read” the Lupus Spiel is a charity bonspiel
(curling tournament) that matches amazing curlers with regular schmucks like me to raise money for (Spoiler Alert) Lupus research. It’s a great time, and last year the event raised over $50,000 for research to help those with this awful disease.
In the past few years, I’ve written a lot about the symptoms of Lupus, so if you want to learn more take a look at the Mayo Clinic.
So I know a lot of you have already been shelling out money to lots of worthy causes recently, but I’d appreciate it if you’d send a few bucks my way. Like really appreciate it. $25 bucks would be great (more would be even better), however if money is tight, $5 or $10 would be fantastic as well. All you need to do is go here. Then slap my name into the Sponsorship box and make your donation – you can even skip past all that text!
Be sure to let me know you donated so I can give you a hug in person or online (I don’t see the donations in real-time).
As always, thanks!